Final Goodbye
by Decadebaby
Summary: Saying goodbye had become impossible.


Saying goodbye was impossible.

It wasn't just that he didn't want to leave her but that he found he had little experience with actual goodbyes. His pattern was to simply disappear. He had never made a habit of taking a moment to pause and say goodbye. Half of the time he was gone before they even opened their eyes. His firmly established pattern was to walk out the door as soon and as fast as he could. He left the formalities to others - Happy or even Pepper. It hurt him to reflect back on that now. He understood even back the she was his truest home, but back the he had treated her so callously.

She was the only one he had ever even tried to say goodbye to. The times they had broken up and the times he had to leave to save the world, he always tried to leave her with at least some gentle words. He wasn't a man for thoughtful words but she deserved that and more besides. He could walk away from everyone else without o ce looking back, but not her. Pepper was the only exception to this.

Yet, even with her events seemed to prevent them from anything meaningful. He tried but racing toward a gaping hole in space, his attempt to speak to her was thwarted by a dropped call. Something was always in the way. Hell, the last time he had left, he'd been whisked away by a wizard, and then found himself on a fast-track to the far reaches of the galaxy with no way to return. And if he had known how things were going to play out, what kind of goodbye could he ever have said?

He was much better at hello. He could stride into a room and set the place ablaze with his presence. It was his most comfortable role. He loved making a scene and watching every eye turn toward him. He would step through the door with a swagger and everyone would be caught in his shine. Of course, this skill was irrelevant now. Alpacas and four-year olds were unimpressed with grand entrances. Who knows? Maybe even this skill had been damaged; snapped away like everyone around him.

When he'd first returned to Pepper, he was incapable of pretty much anything. He was weak and exhausted, but more than that, he was shattered. Watching Dr. Strange betray them all and hand over the stone had been devastating. He could not understand it. Why? What had he been thinking? And there was Peter, too. The pain of it was seared into him. Remembering Peter turn to ash destroyed him. Even after Carol brought him a strengthening elixir he remained weak and unlikely to rise from his bed or his chair. His sorrow and anger swallowed up all else. He'd sit for hours, completely still; something his mother once said he was totally incapable of, and he wondered what she would say now - what she would think of the man he'd become - weak and broken. He couldn't seem to muster the strength to do anything. He had lost every bit of shine; his swagger left somewhere on Titan.

Pepper was never far, and quick to meet his every need; her cool hand against his feverish cheek, her bright eyes meeting his. She had not left his side since his return. Even in those fuzzy first few days, when his starved body left his mind confused he felt her there. The scent of her perfume seemed to shimmer all around him and the soft features of her face hovered near. He would awaken to her folded in a chair that was pulled up near his bed, somehow watching over him even in sleep. When dark memories troubled him, she was beside him, lulling him back to sleep with gentle words that he couldn't quite process, his mind was too fuzzy still and yet they washed over him, comforting him in the darkest bleakness he had ever known.

He was wrecked by it all, and as he recovered, his emotions seemed to misfire. He felt as if someone had stepped in and miscoded him. His anger would flare unexpectedly, or his eyes fill with tears. He found his lack of control humiliating. Pepper remained patiently with him. No matter his attitude whether silent or angry or sad, she remained constant. She _was_ his constant. Everyone else had turned away in frustration - even Rhodes, who walking away shook his head saying, "Jesus, Tony, we all lost. You aren't the only one." He recognized how difficult he had become, his rage bubbling to the surface without any warning. He didn't blame Rhodes for walking away. Part of him _wanted_ everyone to walk away and leave him with his rage and shame. He wouldn't have blamed Pepper if she had turned away, but she never did.

After his enraged attack on Steve, he'd awoken groggy from whatever sedative Bruce had given him. He felt a shame wash over him, as he realized that he had revealed so much of what he'd been feeling toward Steve - anger, hurt, and betrayal. He hated that he had given away so much of himself so publicly. He turned his head to find Pepper in the chair beside his bed, her long legs tucked under her, looking out the window. Her face was pale, and he could see the faint traces of tears, and he felt a sorrow wash over him, realizing that he had once again brought her pain. He shifted and she turned toward him, a smile stretching across her worn features.

"You're awake." She said, rising and smoothing the covers around him. "I was beginning to worry."

"Pep, I . . ." He struggled to find the right words to explain his behavior - to somehow apologize not just for his outburst but for the pain he had brought to her life. He was embarrassed to have blown like he did. It was bad enough to reveal so much of his hurt to Steve, but then to collapse and to be put to bed like a child made him feel even worse.

"Oh, don't worry about any of that," She soothed, smiling sadly at him. "You don't have to explain it to me. I'm not too happy with him, either." She leaned over him, kissing his forehead and then swallowing down her own tears continued with a slight hitch in her voice, "Although, I would appreciate it if you could keep the collapsing from utter exhaustion to a minimum. My nerves are shot."

He reached for her hand, squeezing her fingers gently. She sat on the bed beside him, clinging to his fingers. "What do you want? Are you hungry?"

"Pep, I'm just so . . ." He wanted to offer some sort of apology, but this was as foreign to him as saying goodbye.

"You are back now." She repeated firmly. "That's what matters to me. Just," here she had to pause for a second. "Just please stick around, okay?"

"Ok," He agreed meekly, amazed to find himself with her hand in his. He felt weak, tired, defeated and so emotional. He didn't understand it, but it didn't seem that he understood anything anymore. Why did Strange hand over the stone? Why? "I am staying put. Leaving was . . ." He found words difficult again, remembering the sound of her voice as she pleaded for him to come back. "I should have just . . "

"We should've gone to dinner." She interrupted, her voice strained and anguished. She reached up to wipe the tears off her cheek.

"Damn right." He agreed, lifting her hand and kissing her fingers.

She began to cry in earnest then, and he pulled her down and into his arms, trying somehow to comfort her, knowing all to well that the anguish she suffered was because of the choices he had made. He found himself weeping too, so grateful she was still here. He was overwhelmed with guilt and sorrow over all his failures, but even in the middle of this endless darkness, she was here; his only light. All his years of building walls around himself - around his feelings seemed to have fallen away. He couldn't have stopped himself from crying if he had wanted to. He hoped that no one, other than Pepper was around to witness it. He had suffered so many indignities and embarrassments already.

It was only later, that he realized that they were all alone. It was only later that she told him that everyone had gone to kill Thanos, leaving him behind; leaving him out.

***IRONMAN***

He couldn't seem to manage much after that. It was partly physical exhaustion, and partly being utterly demoralized but he just lay in the bed, staring out the window. There seemed to be no purpose to anything anymore. Physically he felt horrible. His body systems had begun to shut down from dehydration and starvation. It was difficult for him to stay awake, let alone keep a solid thought. He hated his helplessness. Pepper was always there, of course. He remembered thinking that she ought to tell her to sleep or eat, but every time he had a clear thought, he seemed to drift off again. It was such a strange experience to simply exist without any clear path forward. He always had some plan or some project, but now there was nothing. Nothing could change what happened.

He would have stayed in that bed forever but her constant gentle prodding pushed him up and out. She would turn those bright blue eyes on him and ask, "Are you hungry? Want to take a walk? How about a glass of water?" He found he couldn't say anything other than yes to her. "Okay, Pep," He would say, and taking her hand he would follow her to the kitchen or outside into the sunshine. He found he would follow her anywhere.

Everyone around them was full of purpose and although they were all living in the compound together, he found himself separate from them. While he wallowed in self-pity, and grief, they tried desperately to solve unsolvable problems. Natasha held daily meetings as she determined to sort out every mess the world held. He'd watch them gather and knew they expected him to jump up and join in. They expected him to be the man of action that he had always been. Their commitment to putting a shattered world back together was beyond his understanding. Who did they think they were? Superheroes? Their endless meetings to attempt to sort everything out only made him shake his head. _Why? What was the point? _The world was in trouble and of course the world expected the avengers to solve it. He watched them and wondered at it. _Who cares? We can't bring them back. They are gone. Peter is gone."_

Peter haunted him. It was a source of great pain. The memory of his last minutes were always with him. He would awake with a start, feeling Peter's fingers gripping him; the sound of his voice pleading. _"I don't want to go."_ He would sit up, shaking and unable to breathe. And then the dawn would come again, and Natasha would say things like, "We need to set up a database so that we can have a registry establishing who is still here." How could they hold meetings, make plans or move forward? There was no point to it. He couldn't be drawn back into something that was meaningless. That life was gone.

***A***

He'd risen one morning - maybe just a few days after they had returned with the devastating news that all hope was lost; that Thanos was dead but it didn't make any difference. The death of the monster who had destroyed everything changed nothing. They had all returned as broken and defeated as he felt. He understood their anguish - felt it as well. In fact, he had been feeling it since Steven Strange had made the bargain for his life. They glanced at him briefly, still expectant that he would offer them some plan - some hope. He had none.

It was after this that he awoken to bright sunshine and,hearing distant voices rose, careful not to waken Pepper, who lay curled beside him. He found himself in the main common area of the compound to find them all somehow back at it - trying to solve the things that could be solved.

"Hey, Tony!" Rhodey greeted him a look of utter surprise at seeming him up. "Morning."

He nodded, saying nothing. It was the first time that he had actually risen up out of bed without Pepper's prompting. He glanced around taking stock of everyone, seeing so much busyness, "Where's Thor?" He asked but Rhodey just shrugged. "He left a couple of days a go, right after . . ." He didn't finish the sentence but instead changed tacks, "You need anything?" Tony shook his head and Rhodes went back to whatever project he'd been working on.

Tony stood silent in a pool of sunshine listening. He could hear a discussion as Nat and Steve tried to determine the best way to manage the seemingly endless stream of orphaned children that were being reported in every city on earth. He wondered briefly at their stamina. How could they keep going? The office of the complex had become a busy hub as the Avengers managed multiple projects all at once. They were so full of action, and he was full of . . . nothing. He was empty. He stood outside it all watching, so detached it surprised even him.

"There you are." Pepper's voice startled him, and he turned to see her moving toward him.

"Sorry, honey," He glanced at her, and something in her eyes revealed a glimmer of the pain she had suffered. He realized she had awoken alone no doubt worried about what had happened to him. He immediately felt guilt wash over him. "I am . . . You were sleeping so peacefully and I didn't want to wake you."

"Thats ok." She said, her fingers curling around his bicep. "I don't mean to be so . . ." She hesitated, struggling for the right word. "Well, clingy, I guess. I just . . ." She paused, and shook her head.

"I am sorry, Pep." He reached up squeezing her fingers, and wondered what she had suffered in those twenty-three days, realizing he hadn't even bothered to ask her about them. He studied her thoughtfully, really looking at her with clarity for the first time since his return. She was so pale and thin. She was as beautiful as ever, but there was a weariness to her, too. He hated that he hadn't seen it until now. When he'd first returned, he had been so relieved to see her that he hadn't noticed the obvious marks that grief, and stress had made on her. When he'd first returned, he had been so grief stricken that he hadn't taken a moment to focus on her. He thought briefly that it seemed he never focused on her.

"Are you hungry?" She asked breaking into his thoughts. "How about breakfast?"

"Maybe Tony has an idea." He heard Natasha say from across the room. He wrinkled his brow still thinking of Pepper. The voices around him felt like a distracting hum.

"Hey, Pep," He began unsure of what he wanted to say. He could see Natasha and Steve walking towards them, and Pepper glanced at them.

"We have been focused on figuring out somehow to manage all these displaced people." Steve said as they approached. "Something has to be done."

"There are so many kids." Natasha added. "We were thinking . . ."

He heard their words but his mind was occupied by something else. He watched as Pepper winced at the sight of them. It surprised him. It was clear she didn't appreciate their interference, and yet as quickly as she reacted, her face shifted and she appeared as calm and helpful as ever. He realized suddenly that Pepper Potts wasn't any happier with Steve Rogers than he was. Did she always feels this way? Why hadn't he noticed it? He tried to focus in on all the times that he had left her. He tried to remember her face as he left to go save the world, but he couldn't read her features in his memories. How many times had he pushed her aside? How many times had he ignored her?

"Hey," He turned toward her, completely ignoring Steve and Natasha for once. "I don't want. . . Let's get out of here."

"Tony?" Nat interrupted. "What do you think?" She and Steve now stood beside them but Tony remained facing Pepper, his hands on her arms.

"What? What are you talking about?" Pepper's brows furrowed in confusion. "Go? Where?"

"I don't know. Anywhere. I don't want to be here. Let's leave just you and me. Let's go."

"Tony, they . . ." She gestured toward Nat and Steve who hovered just to their left.

He glanced their direction but continued to ignore them. "I'm not talking to them right now. I'm talking to you." Her eyes widened at this, and, to his horror immediately filled with tears. He felt like an utter asshole that it had taken this long to for him to really pay attention to her for once. "Pep," He soothed, rubbing her arm gently.

"Tony, they are . . ." She hesitated, unsure and blinking back her tears she nodded at Steve and Natasha who continued to stand beside them.

He looked at Nat, who didn't seem to have any sense of personal space. "Romanov, get lost." His tone was brisk and sharp, but it softened as he turned back to Pepper and said, "Let's just get out of here." And her tears spilled out. She tipped her chin down, hiding her face from him.

"We were just . . ." Natasha tried again, but Steve pulled her away by the arm.

"Give 'em a minute." He said leading her away. "We can talk to him later."

And finally, he had clarity of purpose again. Like a bolt of lightning from the sky, it hit him full force. It was a feeling more powerful than anything he'd experienced. He didn't want a minute with Pepper; he wanted forever.

"Let's get married." He told her. "Now. Today."

Her eyes widened in surprise at this. "What?" She sputtered in surprise.

"Let's get married. I'm tired of putting everything on hold. For what? Peace? That's never going to happen. Pepper, there's only you. God, I should've married you ages ago! I've been so stupid! I don't want to put you on hold. I never want to put you on hold again. I just want to be with you. I don't care about anything else. I just want to be with you." He smiled at her. "I mean, I know we are engaged and everything, but I just want to be really, clear, okay? Pepper, I want to marry you."

She looked up at him then, her eyes full of tears, and he pulled her against his chest. "Look, everything's gone to shit, and I can't. . . I don't want to waste time trying to fix things that can't be fixed. I don't care about anything but you. I can't stay here and pretend that anything we do makes a difference. I just want to be with you." He rubbed gentle circles on her back, listening to her cry and waiting for some kind of response. "Pep?" He finally asked.

"Yes." She whispered, clinging tightly to him.

They'd left two days later. He had wanted to leave immediately, just walk out the door, leaving everything behind. It was his old pattern of skipping the goodbye, but Pepper was far too practical. "Whatever else, Tony, we are still connected to them. They brought you home to me. They still need our support."

He was pretty sure she meant more than just financial support, but that was about all he was willing to give. He understood that she viewed them differently. In her eyes they sent Carol to find him and bring him back to her. She felt a gratefulness to them, that he did not. He knew that she had come to the compound two days after the Snap, in hopes of finding him, and they had brought her inside. Those days between the Snap and his return were filled with all of them together hoping and searching. He had none of that history and he was quick to point out that they were the reason he had left in the first place. He didn't feel a gratefulness. He felt a low level of anger that never seemed to go away, and always, always, he could hear Peter saying, "I don't want to go." He was haunted and he was over all of it. He had risked so much only to be crushed by it all. He just wanted to move away from them. He didn't want to spend his days living inside his greatest failure. He wanted to start again.

***A***

They had married three days after leaving the compound - stopping at a Justice of the Peace. All their grand plans for a big wedding had vanished with a snap of Thanos fingers. Her family was gone - her only relative, an elderly aunt who absolutely hated him. To be fair, her mother had never been a big fan of him, either, but she was lost to them now. He found himself missing her angry glare, only because of the comfort she provided Pepper.

Even before they'd left the compound, he had started work on a cabin for them. He remember an old cabin that they had visited long, long ago before they'd even been a couple. He couldn't even remember now, why they had gone there, but he remembered the surprising broad smile that had come across Pepper's face as she stepped out of the car. "Oh, this is beautiful." Her voice had held a wistful wonder that had astounded him. "My grandfather had a cabin like this. We spent summers at the lake." Her eyes seemed brighter, and her face was stunning as shimmered with obvious joy. He had never forgotten, and it might have been one of the first times that he began to realize that what he felt for her was not just boss and employee. That bright smile had stayed with him. He found the cabin, and began upgrading it mere hours after they'd decided to leave. He wanted it to be perfect.

They'd spent two weeks in the City - or at least what was left of the City. It was horrible to see the impact of the Snap. Both of them hated it there, but he hadn't wanted to go back to the compound. He waiting until the cabin was at least livable before taking her there.

"Let's go for a drive." He told her. "I can't stand the City." She had raised an eyebrow at this, but had quickly agreed. It wasn't until they turned on the dirt driveway (it hadn't been paved yet) that she began to suspect that he was up to something.

"Tony, what are we doing . . ." But she stopped speaking as the rounded the bend and the cabin and lake came into view.

"Well, I never got you a wedding gift." He pointed out, bringing the car to a stop. He walked around and opened the door. "What do you think, Mrs. Stark?" She took his hand, stepping out of the car. Her eyes grew wide.

"I remember this place . . ." Her voice was soft and held that same wistful tone he'd remembered. "Tony!"

"I remembered how much you like it." He said, suddenly embarrassed. "And I thought it would be a fresh start for us. And . . ." But she'd cut him off, throwing her arms around him, and stopping his words with a kiss. They stood in a circle of sunlight beside the bright lake kissing in front of their new home for several minutes until he finally broke away from her.

"So, you like it?" He asked.

"Don't be a jerk, Tony." She laughed, wiping tears from her eyes.

"Well, that's not gonna happen. He said, kissing her again and laughing. "Of course, I realize you probably feel pretty terrible right now because I got you a wedding gift and you didn't get me one so . . ."

She laughed out loud at this. "You are completely wrong there." She told him.

"I'm never wrong." He pointed out, feigning hurt.

"No, you aren't." She smiled at him mysteriously.

"I feel like I missed something." He said confused.

"Well, if you think back a ways before all of this," She waved her arm indicating the world around them. "You had a dream, and thought it was true."

"What? What are you . . ." And suddenly he remembered the run through the park before he'd left her. "Pepper?"

"I hope this cabin is ready for us because I'm pregnant." She smiled at him. "And our child isn't growing up in the City."

***IRONMAN***

They settled into the cabin, even as the workers moved onto the garage, building him a state of the art lab. It was unlike anything he'd ever expected for himself. He had expected to die alone in space, cut off from her, and yet, here he was living day after day with only her. They planted a garden, and he tinkered in the garage and this time everything he built was for her - furniture, flower boxes, a broad table that they had put at the edge of the garden. She cooked meals using their own vegetables and he become fixated on creating the perfect garden. She would laugh and tease him, as he studied, planned and experimented. "I've been thinking about an Alpaca." He told her.

"I'm not company enough?" She asked.

"Don't be ridiculous. It is a good way to manage some of our fields, and we can use the manure as a natural fertilizer. I read a study about . . ." Here he looked up, realizing that she was laughing at him. "What?"

"Tony Stark, alpaca farmer?" She grinned at him. "You have to admit no one could have predicted that."

"I'm a man of many talents." He said defensively. "Besides, when is the last time you put on a pair of Jimmy Choos?" He teased her.

"I'd topple over these days." She responded, a hand on her stomach. She had begun to show by then, and he was daily stunned by her beauty.

When the work on the cabin was finally finished, just two months after they'd moved in, he had arranged for a small gathering. He'd waited until she'd gone into the city for some meetings to set everything up, and she'd returned to their cabin at dusk to find it lit with candles and strewn with flowers.

"You deserve better than a county office." He had explained kissing her cheek, as she walked up the front path in shock.

The stood on their own porch, surrounded by their few surviving friends, and he'd promised her again to stay with her until he breathed his last. In a fit of nostalgia, and desire to please her, he'd included Natasha, Bruce, Rhodey and even Nebula in the celebration. Looking from Pepper's smiling face to everyone gathered, he was hit by a wave of sorrow that Peter wasn't there with them.

His new life was like this - a strange combination of joy and sorrow. Peter was never really far from his thoughts, and yet, he found that he was often happy. It was confusing and unexpected. He had come to learn that even hearts completely broken by grief and pain, could be filled with joy again. Slowly, day by day, the pain and anguish of the past faded to the background. It was all still with him, and yet, he was able to lose himself completely in his new life while still holding onto the past.

They managed to wade through the complicated path of his grief and guilt. "You can't save everyone." She reminded him again and again. "Tony, you did everything you could." He found such a deep, sustaining comfort from her reassurance. No one on the earth, or anywhere else for that matter, understood him like Pepper. Later when the anxiety and grief would flood his system, she would say gently, "Tony, look at Morgan."

Morgan was a wonder. She came to them on a rainy night and overwhelmed him completely. She was so small and trusted him so completely. He had never in his life felt anything as profound as what he felt for Morgan. Over time, they discovered that she had inherited BOTH of their stubbornness, and Peppers warm smile. She was incredibly intelligent which he was quick to point out probably came from Pepper, and not from him, and every single day, he grew more determined to be the father that he had never had.

Often he would turn to Pepper with a grin and ask, "Can you believe this? Would you ever guessed a life like this?"

"Not in a million years." She would always respond with a laugh. "I am so lucky."

"_We_ are so lucky," He would correct her. And they were lucky - Half the universe was gone and yet, they still had each other.

He should have know it couldn't last forever. He should have known that sooner or later he would have to pay for his past.

Seeing Steve, with Natasha standing on his front porch, he knew immediately the bill had come due. He hugged Morgan tighter to himself, and with a nod at them, exhaled slowly, awaiting his fate.

For her part, Pepper was stunningly gracious. She hugged them warmly before taking Morgan from his arms. "We'll let you talk," She said taking Morgan inside. Thinking about it now, though, he realized she was probably thinking that Steve had come to make amends. How could she ever imagined that anyone, even him, could travel through time and alter everything.

He thought often of Yinson. He wondered what he would say of Tony's choices since those days in the cave. He wasn't a man who had everything and nothing anymore. He had experienced a life-changing course correction. Pepper and Morgan were the center of everything. He had thought he had paid in full for his second chances, but he should have known still more was required. He wasn't sure he could bear the weight. He had found peace. He had built a home. He did not want to return to his old life. He had too much to lose.

And yet he understood what he had to do - not just for Peter, but for Morgan, too. He had to walk away from all of it. He had to leave them both. He had to step back into the life that he'd left behind, and try to put on a suit that no longer seemed to fit him; that no longer seemed to matter. From the minute Steve had stepped onto his porch, he'd felt such a dread, understanding on a molecular level that he could not escape this part of himself. He'd turned from it, and had endless days of peace, but one look at Steve's face had communicated clearly; his days of peace were at an end.

He found himself pacing endlessly around the cabin, looking at the pictures on the walls of the life they'd built and trying to avoid all the thoughts rushing through his brain about time travel, and paradox, and endless math equations. How could he put on his suit and knowingly rush headlong toward danger? Who would read Morgan her bedtime story? He had become an entirely different person. He didn't think he could return to being Iron Man. Iron Man wasn't a Dad who danced with his baby daughter in his arms at 3 in the morning so his wife could finally get some sleep. Iron Man didn't fold laundry while his wife told him all about everything that had happened that day. Iron Man rushed out and away. Iron Man feared nothing thinking of no one but the task ahead of him. Leaving was easy for Iron Man because he never once thought about doing it. He just left. And now, leaving seemed impossible.

Pepper was as constant and self-sacrificing as ever. She understood just exactly what it meant when he told her he'd figured it out. She understood that he would _have_ to go back to the compound. She understood that he would have to try and bring Peter back. And more than that, she understood how conflicted he felt as he tried to balance his need to be there for both of their children - for he had come to realize that he thought of Peter as a son. She had once told him, "Oh, Tony, of course you are broken-hearted. If anything ever happened to Morgan I don't know what I would do."

At the time he had looked at her confused. "Pep, Peter's not . . ."

But she had cut him off. "He is your son. I think of him as ours, really. I didn't know him like you did, but I know you loved him completely. And he was the sweetest kid. I always believed you would be such a good Dad but Peter was my first chance to really see it."

She understood him so completely, sometimes she understood him so much better than he understood himself. Their relationship had become as solid as the ground beneath his feet, and he didn't want to launch himself back into the air away from her; away from Morgan.

_"Would you be able to rest, though?" _

Her question had cut through to the heart of everything. She understood the truth that he could not turn his back on the Avengers. As much as she might want it to be different, she knew who he was, even if he had forgotten. She knew it even before he dared to think it himself. The pull of her, and of Morgan, and their life together was the most powerful force he'd ever experienced, but they both knew that there was no one else who could solve this particular equation. He couldn't escape this leaving.

It was destiny.

He tried to think of a way to convince her - to convince himself that there was no real risk. He tried to pretend this would be a brief visit to the compound without any threat to their perfect world, but for the first time, he really understood the cost. If he left, there was no guarantee he would return to them unharmed; there was no guarantee he would return at all. Worse, what if his alterations led to unexpected consequences? What if he erased everything they'd built? They sat together in silence, her hand on his arm. He tried to pull together a string of words to reassure her; to reassure himself. He'd done the math, repeatedly, but he wasn't Steven Strange. He couldn't promise anything at all.

"When will you leave?" She'd asked when the silence between them had stretched for what seemed an eternity.

"I'm not . . ." He choked out. "I can't . . ."

He watched her, actually saw her swallow down all her own ache, pain and fear, and smile softly, "Tony, yes you can. I know you. You will go and fix this, and then come back home to us. We will be here waiting." She emphasized each word and her meaning was clear. _Don't screw this up_. Somehow she managed to smile, although it was a weak smile. "It shouldn't take long." Here she actually laughed. "I mean, you figured out how to control time, didn't you?"

And with tears in his eyes, he joined her in the lie, "Yeah, right. No problem. I'll just pop over to the compound, travel back in time and restore everything that's lost. You can keep dinner warm for me." She'd smiled at this, but then her smile had twisted and she'd burst into sobs that shook her entire body. He did the only thing he could, and held her as tight as he dared, praying that he could keep every promise he had ever made to her; every promise he had ever whispered to Morgan.

***IRONMAN***

He had come back, of course. As they worked the problem, he would return home to them each night. But he knew the day was coming - the day of days is how he thought of it. He began to tinker around the cabin, making sure everything was in order. Pepper eyed him warily when began doing this and would say tersely, "You can fix that later."

"Now is as good time as any." He would tell her. It was a game they played, dancing around the subject they both feared.

It was just a week after, Steve and Natasha had come by that everything was planned and ready.

"I'm going home." He told Steve. "I'll be back the day after tomorrow. Get everything ready."

"Take your time." Steve told him, smiling at the word, time. "We can wait a few days more."

"No, if I stay too long, I won't come back." Tony confessed.

"Maybe that would be better." Steve offered.

"Splitting the team up has never been a good idea." Tony responded. "I just need a day to . . ."

"Sure." Steve nodded in understanding.

***IRONMAN***

He had been working on Rescue since before Morgan was born. He constantly tinkered with it - trying to perfect every single aspect of it. She had come out to the garage in search of him during those first months of peace to find him tinkering away.

"What in the hell is that?" She had asked.

"Well, it was going to be a surprise for you." He told her.

"For me?" Her eyes grew huge. "That's your gig." She told him, "I'm no superhero.

"Untrue." He said rising from his workbench and going to her. "This suit isn't about saving the world." He had said. "This is about saving _my_ world." He kissed her cheek. "This is Rescue." He gestured toward the suit. "and it is for you - just in case."

"You realize, I'm never wearing that." She shook her head at him.

"Sure you are." He had responded. "First of all, it's a gift and it would be rude to reject something that was given to you, and secondly, you would look gorgeous in it."

She had laughed at this. "Sure, nothing says glamour like a giant suit of iron."

"I just want to know you can protect yourself."

"Tony, I'm not . . ." She shook her head. "I'm not an Avenger."

"Neither am I." He'd smiled at her. "However, I am a fairly capable mechanic and programmer. And this," Here he had patted the suit. "Is something I made so that no matter what happens, you can stay safe. Aliens fly in and attack - you are good. Small kitchen fire - you are good." He shrugged his shoulders. "I just want to keep you safe."

And of course, she'd tried it on. She couldn't argue with logic like that.

The only time he ever put on his own suit anymore was to train with her so that she could learn to maneuver Rescue. She was, as she was at everything, a natural, and somehow even in that clunky suit of iron, she _was_ graceful. Flying in the suit with her, he didn't even think about the past. In the first months after everything, he couldn't really look at his suit without feeling a rising panic. Too much had happened, and he associated far too many bad memories with it. Still, even after everything, he couldn't help but think of ways to improve it. His mind didn't seem to be able to stop, and so he funneled all that energy into her suit. Rescue would be his best design.

Now, before he left, he had dragged her back out to the garage for just one more training session. He had made some recent alterations, including the new helmet that Morgan had found. He wanted to make sure that everything worked well. He had to know that no matter what she could protect Morgan; could protect herself.

"Tony . . ." She had groaned. "I'm good. You know I can manage it."

"I just want to see. It's been months. We can just do a quick run through."

She sighed at him, shaking her head in frustration. "You are coming home." She said seriously. " I don't need thus suit. We have you." She bit her lip, and emphasized it. "You are coming home." Her blue eyes were bright with tears.

"I am." He replied instantly, pulling her into a hug. "I'll go and sort everything out, and be back here before you know it, but in the meantime, I just want to make sure you can protect yourself, and Morgan.

"Tony." She burrowed tighter into his shoulder.

"Baby, just give it a try, please."

She wiped her eyes, and stepping back from him, took the helmet from his hand. "One quick run through." She agreed begrudgingly.

It hadn't been a quick run through, however. He'd set up drill after drill, target after target - trying to convince himself that if she hit every one he would be able to leave her.

***A***

The morning sun cut through their bedroom window, spilling sunshine across the bed. He kept his eyes closed, unwilling to open them pretending that he could stop this morning from happening. Eyes still closed he reached across the bed, pulling Pepper toward him. She buried her face in the crook of his neck. Stretching up, she kissed his cheek. "Did you ever sleep?" She asked.

"Some." He answered, finally opening his eyes.

"Well, good because I would hate to think you'd run off to save the world on two hours of sleep."

Honestly, he'd barely slept. They'd gone through the normal night time routine, and somehow he had found the ability to fall into the normalcy of it. Dinner. Bath. Books. Bed. The only alteration being that they had both tucked her in. Pepper sat on the edge of the bed, while he sat with Morgan tucked under his arm reading her two mandatory books. Morgan had dozed off half way through the second book, but he had read it all the way through to the end anyway.

Walking away, and down the stairs, though, he felt his panic and fear return, and he'd gone out onto the porch trying to calm himself. He had walked all the way to the end of the dock, watching the moon rise over the lake. He didn't turn back to see the cabin until the moon was fully in the starry sky. He could see the dim light of Morgan's nightlight, and the bright lights of the front room. He caught his breath seeing Pepper silhouetted in the doorway of the cabin, scanning the grounds searching for him. She met him at the edge of the dock.

"You alright?" She asked.

"Yeah." He lied. "I just . . . I thought I'd . . ." He recognized that he had become pretty bad at lying over the last five years.

"Ok." She said with a small smile, and moving to the end of the dock, she sat down, her long legs dangling over the edge.

He sat down beside her, putting an arm around her shoulders. They sat together, in silence watching moonlight spill over the lake.

"We should have a bench right here." He told her. "Or a gazebo. Didn't you say you wanted a gazebo?"

"Two years ago." She laughed. "You can build me one when you get back."

"First thing." He promised. He turned to look at her then, and was shocked to see that she was crying.

"Pep," He told her seriously. "Soon as I get back, I'll build you that gazebo."

"I don't care about the gazebo," She told him, curling into his arms. "Just come back, Tony. Please, just come back to me."

He tried to think of something to say but instead leaned in, kissing her, somehow trying to communicate everything in a kiss. He thought of taking her hand and leading her inside but instead she pulled him down and toward her.

Much later that night, he'd gone out to the garage to make a few last alterations to Rescue, and then found himself sketching out plans for a gazebo. He glanced at his watch, fighting the urge to try and get it built before the morning. Instead, he'd set the plans aside, and gone inside. He sat beside Morgan's bed watching her sleep, finding solace in her peaceful, even breathing. He'd watched her sleep for an hour or so, and then went downstairs to record one message - just in case. It was nearly dawn when he finally crawled back into bed, wrapping himself around Pepper.

***A***

The plan was that he would leave after breakfast, but holding Pepper in his arms the next morning he wasn't sure he could really follow through. How could he let go? He found himself staring at her, not saying a word, memorizing every feature.

"This is the quietest, I've ever known you." She said softly, her fingers tracing light circles on his back.

"I just . . ." He wanted to tell her a million things. He wanted to try and somehow explain how much peace, comfort and genuine joy she brought him. He wanted to make sure she knew how completely he loved her, but Morgan came in just then, demanding breakfast.

Breakfast was not quiet. Morgan was never quiet. She had thoughts and opinions and was never shy about sharing them.

"I think," She told them that morning. "That ice cream is an excellent breakfast choice."

"And I think," Pepper responded. "That you should eat your oatmeal." She rested her hand on Tony's shoulder, and he nearly lost it then, thinking about the simple perfection of breakfast together.

Clearing his throat he said, "Well, they are quite similar."

"No they aren't." Morgan responded stubbornly.

"You eat both of them with a spoon and both of them are served in a bowl." He pointed out.

She furrowed her brows in concentration, trying to come up with a counterargument. "No, you can't put the oatmeal on a cone." She finally responded triumphantly.

"Ah, a fair point." He agreed leaning across the table and kissing her forehead. "Still, your Mom is right. Eat your oatmeal."

Sighing, she lifted her spoon and complied to her parents' demands. "Why do you hafta go?" She asked again, and he found he couldn't respond.

Pepper squeezed his shoulder, "He has to help his friends with a problem. He will come back as soon as he is finished."

"And we can't come?" She asked with big eyes looking up into his.

He found his voice then. "Well, if you did, who would feed Gerald? And what about Mama's garden?"

"Gerald might eat Mama's garden if no one is here to stop him." She said thoughtfully.

"Oh, no." Pepper said. "That alpaca is staying away from my garden."

"See." He pointed out. "You two need to stay here."

"But you will come back." Her dark eyes met his, somehow piercing through to the very center of him. He rose up out of his seat and lifted her up, her spoon clattering to the table.

"If it is within my power, I will _always_ be here with you. I love you Maguna. I want to spend every day and every minute with you." He kissed her cheek, swallowing down tears.

"Mama, too." She whispered, uncharacteristically quiet.

"Mama, too." He agreed glancing at Pepper, who had tears in her eyes, but she smiled at him and just said, "Finish your breakfast, Morgan."

***A***

It was an ordinary morning in that they washed the dishes together as they usually did, but everything seemed heavy with meaning.

"I liked it better when you were less aware." Pepper told him. "This is . . ." She glanced out the kitchen window. "It was easier when I was the only one who understood the gravity."

He considered this remembering all the times he had just left. He had been only thinking of the task in front of him - never really considering all the dangers to what he was leaving. It wasn't that he didn't value her back then but rather that he never feared he _wouldn't_ return. He foolishly believed that nothing could really ever touch him. His suits and his swagger made him feel invincible. Now he knew better. He set aside the pan he'd been scrubbing and kissed her, pulling her close to his chest said, "Well, I've been telling you for years that growth is a bad idea." She laughed at this, but she didn't let go of him.

Later, they packed up the car and then he found himself standing on his own front porch trying to find a way to say goodbye to the two people he loved more than anything on earth.

"Give Daddy a kiss." Pepper said lifting Morgan up in her arms. "Give him the biggest squeeze ever."

Morgan jumped into his arms, kissing his cheek and squeezing him tight.

"I love you, Morgan. I love you more than anything on this earth."

"I love you more than anything on earth and out in space." She responded, giggling.

"Oh, well, you win then." He told her. "Or I guess, I win." She was still so small, such a tiny fireball - all of Pepper's spark, and an intelligence that frightened them both. He didn't want to scare her, but didn't want to let this moment pass, either. "You listen to Mama." He told her huskily. "She's smarter than everyone so she knows best. And you remember that I am so proud of you. You are sweet, and smart and strong just like your Mama."

She nodded her head, her brown hair bobbing and then she stretched up kissing his cheek, and he felt that he would shatter. "Bye, Daddy."

He had hugged her tightly, kissing her again, and set her down. "I love you, Maguna."

"I know." She laughed. "You just told me." She turned to look up at Pepper. "Can I play outside?"

"Stay away from the water." Pepper told her, her voice strained beyond recognition.

Watching Morgan hop down the steps away from him, he felt that there was no way he could go. He wrapped his arms around Pepper, burying his face in her shoulder. "I can't leave you." He told her. "I can't leave her. I can't do this."

"Yes, you can." And her voice was steady. Her strength was unbelievable. She continued to encourage him. "This isn't you showing off or taking off on some crazy whim. You know what this means to everyone - even to her. Tony, you are Iron Man. I understand that - no one understands that better than me. He is part of you and this is for her. This is the world we want to build for her." She whispered. "I understand that. What would she think if you could fix things and never did? You can do this. And then you will come home to us."

"I can't . . ." He gasped out.

"You can." She pushed back from him, so she could see his face. "Tony, every day after that snap was a gift to us. I never expected . . ." She paused, struggling. "I was sure you were already lost. We have been so lucky. I am so . . . " Here, her voice was choked with tears. "I can't say how grateful I am. You know, I love you with all my heart, and I want you here with me forever. I don't want you to leave us, but so many others are broken-hearted. We can't be the only ones to have peace." She reached up with a gentle hand brushing a tear from his cheek. "And I know how much you mourn Peter. If there is a chance for you to be free of that grief, how could I ever stop you? You are the smartest man I know. You can fix this, bring them all back _and_ come back home. What if you can have both - this life and all that we've lost restored? It might be a happy ending, right?"

He nodded, unable to speak at first, stunned by her endless strength. He kissed her forehead. "Yeah, happy endings happen, too."

He'd thought over and over what he would say to her in these last moments but now face to face with her, found words failed him. "Pepper, I . . ." but she leaned forward to kiss him stopping any words.

"There isn't anything you need to say." She whispered.

Maybe she was right. Maybe he had already said everything that ever need to be said. God knows, she understood him. And maybe all of this was just an over-reaction. Maybe he _could_ simply pop over to the compound, alter time and be home in time for dinner. He tried to see himself here again, sitting down at a candlelit table at dusk with Morgan beside him, and Pepper smiling across the table at him. Maybe . . .

Pepper took him by the hand and walked him down to the car. They stood facing each other in the morning sunlight, as Morgan sang happily to herself playing nearby. "Bye Daddy!" She called lifting an arm to wave.

"I don't have any words." He told Pepper.

"Well, that's a first." She said with a smile.

"It is." He kissed her again pulling her tightly to him. "Pepper Potts, _you_ are made of iron, not me. I'm a coward."

"Pepper Potts _Stark_," She corrected him. "And that has never been true. You know it. I'm the biggest baby there is. I just want you to . . . " but she stopped herself knowing that if she asked him to stay, he would. "It's okay." She said at last. "We have to do this, but promise you will do everything in your power to come back to me, and to make sure," Here she glanced at Morgan. "make sure that she is . . ." She couldn't finish the sentence.

"I promise it." He kissed her again. "You are everything, Pepper. There is no one else. There never was, and there never will be." He told her, leaning close, his forehead touching hers. "There is only you. I love you." He'd kissed her once more, and as he released her she stepped back, wiping tears from her eyes. "I will love you forever." He added not wanting to leave yet.

"I love you too," She said and her tears fell and she brushed them aside, trying to send him off with a smile.

They stood together holding onto each other's hands for a long minute. He wanted to say so much more, but found he couldn't manage anything else. He was working up the nerve to release her hands, and climb into the car, when she finally spoke.

"Will that be all, Mr. Stark?"

"For now, Miss Po. . . Mrs. Stark, thank you." He tried to grin at her and squeezed her hands. "I'll be back later and we can discuss future projects."

"Excellent." She nodded crisply, but her eyes still held tears. He brushed her cheek with the back of his hand, and then he was gone.


End file.
